By: Drew Mayes
Growing up as an American male you learn that bigger is better. When we’re kids, we want a bigger piece of cake than our buddy (even if it’s his birthday party). And by the time high school rolls around, we want a big truck and even bigger muscles. That’s what we believe will get us the girl.
When it’s time to go to college most of us will take out a big student loan hoping it will lead to a big job, all-the-while doing anything we can to appear like we’re the big man on campus.
You’d think by the time adulthood rolled around we would’ve learned our lesson, but we haven’t.
Instead, we prove our manliness by buying a big house we can barely pay for, a big SUV with a gas tank we can’t fill, and a big barking dog to complete the modern day Marlboro Man myth. If that doesn’t make us feel like manly men than what will?
What they don’t tell you as a kid, is that the aforementioned usually results in nothing more than big debt, big veterinarian bills and big dog poop in the yard. So the question still remains – is bigger better or not? Now I’m confused.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t think everything has to be big to be manly. Take a waistline for example. I’d take a small one over a big belly any day (and so would my fiancée).
So what about when it comes to dogs? Do the same rules apply to mini breeds versus larger pooches? I tend to think so, although before I moved in with my girl and her miniature Chihuahua I probably would’ve been singing a different tune— because a dog that could fit in your glove compartment isn’t a real dog… is it?
Take a stroll through any large dog owner’s backyard (be careful where you step) and invariably two things will happen: one, you’ll get a whiff of something rank and two, you can expect to kiss those expensive-man-shoes goodbye.
Little dogs leave little messes while big dogs come with big smells and even bigger messes… and to be honest, no one looks manly when they’re picking up poop. Even if it is big.
Bigger dogs also come with a big expenses, like food. It’s a lot cheaper to feed a 3-pound miniature Chihuahua than it is to feed a hungry Doberman. Paying $35 for a 40-pound bag of dog food isn’t as cool or easy as only spending $5 a month on a 3-pound bag of dog food that fits neatly in your manly eco bag with the rest of the groceries.
So what about when it comes to guard dogs—are bigger dogs better protectors? While Bullmastiff and Pit Bulls sure do look scary, I don’t think they’re any more likely to alert you to a potential intruder than the vicious bark of a Weiner dog. Would a Scottish Terrier put its life on the line for its beloved master the same way a Rottweiler would? I think so.
With superior cleanliness, greater affordability and solid protection, (not to mention they’re darn cute) I’m proud to say choosing a small dog was a smarter choice for me. Even if my fiancée did help me come around to the idea.
That being said, the only time I think a bigger dog is better is when it’s at the ball park with extra mustard and relish, paired with my favorite manly beer.